suffocating

wonder y she must always bring him up in any conversation; even totally irrelevant

So suffocating. I m not keen to hear actually.

so who is heel over head over him?

fulfill ur own role in society bah. Dun think so much. I really worry for u

its cold its hot

hate the sweating in cold

Finally sold the shares but it went above e price i sold :( anger!

So not fated with this share. Nevermind lah.

Earning only a $44 is so pathetic still!

haha

the next one will be better

Suddnely have the urge to rebond my hair n get it straight

So gemini. Random likings

really miss Winson.

So stop connecting me with other guys.

I wonder who have always been insecured... the answer is me and thus costs me losing u.

I wish for a new life but end up suffocating on own doings

how much can i say? nil. Just continue to pretend happy and let ppl keep wagigng her tongue.

人在做，天在看

Be mercy

i think it is hillarious for ppl to use own judgement on others n then force it on others. U can do that to ur kids (i will pity them) but not on me.

Jeff was the person that knows me the best! he know i m a complicated soul n no one can better tell whats in my mind.

I love to study n exams n that is the reasons i studied part time courses. not as u think becos there is no ji tou. Crazy. u r pathetic to think that becos it mirrored what is inside of u.

人生是自己的。 你留一点口德 吧

Get real pls

I am seriously worried and even annoyed by this friend.

He should know that we will only be friend forever! Nothing much!

The questions he pose exceed the line.....

Seriously at this age n experience, if i really accept a man, it will be a man who knows what he is doing, gained vast experience, able to carry himself full of EQ & higher IQ than me! What make you think that u r up to meet my requirements? There is nothing i can look up on you on bf qualities. As friend, i think we can still click as i do apply EQ in dealing with your immaturity.

Lets get real and stay as friend. Dun harbour tots.

I dun wan to lose this friendship n trying very hard to contain the anger.

Dun cross the line. I dun wanna lose more male friends.

Dun be silly, u wont be able to meet my expetations both spirtual and materially.

The men that imprinted in my heart

Everthing went well but i think i m fallng sick!

:(

Y woudl my friend sms that she saw W.

Seriously i wont know how will i react if i chance into W.

I think E.H is so much easier to handle than W.

用情深，伤更深

Sometimes i wonder if he read the blog we used to host together.

Yes, yes, i will still continue to act strong despite all the teardrops.

Seriously, in my heart there are only a few persons..... maybe included BB but that is untouchable i also know.

Money & the Law of Attraction

Looking forward having more money and financial assets

哭了

想，我是一直在哭。哭不是脆弱，只想面对自己。

我不是一直不开心的。在一些方面的确伤感，其余还好

爱不是一切。只是我是人。伤口还是会痛。

笑容还是灿烂的

生活还是积极的

不明白的你，别评语太多

这个圣诞节，病得不轻。

怎么了？

Meditation in front of Buddha

cant have face reality more than these 2 days... Meditation in temple helps to neutralise some grievances & negativities. Realise efforts shifted from doing own good to feeling anger of others' doing. Time and energies wasted & hurt someone i love most. From now on, just wanna peace and do not want to be swirl in negativity. Save gossips to urself and spare me. Let me live peacefully for the Xmas & welcome yr2011.


I need to re-focus on myself. The $ shit is falling on me very soon and i need to work out budget in order to have a proper place to live. There is no time to absorb into other ppl prob.

It is difficult and i must persist

almost complete my 2010 reflection

'Moving forward' In my unpublished blog entry :)

要深深记住！

要沉得住气

u can dun respect me and my lifestyle and then do things that provoke my anger. I have to learn to keep own cool.

how can i get work up becos of u? u r just nothing more than a tool to me too.

上不了的妆

彩妆对女生是重要的，它让妮神采飞扬。

可是这几个星期，总无法上妆。眼泪花了遮瑕膏。

忧伤是自己的；而自己是因该操控情绪的。可是，自己没法面对自己。。。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=e2mpVbfDZ2Q

Retreat 2010

Have been doing self reflection for past few weeks.

This moment starts the proper 2 days intensive reflections. Running away from ppl and technology. Phone may be onz but not answering as possible.

Tots may just be fickle and disjoint but all r precious reflections or goals ahead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Tdy had good morning cycling at Pasir Ris Park. Then LS while shopping.

Bought new bedsheet set (which i have not been doing since separated from Calvin). Just want bed to look proper again. If i have to sleep alone forever, i want it to be nice.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nothing wrong to be alone. Was reflecting this 2 yr r'ship while awaitin for paperwork to be done. It was an unplanned one. Actually which r'ship is planned? i have closed my heart but HOPE always fool ppl and i tot i give one more try. Then it has to go now.

I see the weak side of hearts.

Will never able to see hatred but just regrets.

So what made me fail from one to another? What made others fine?
Becos i never set standards and never have specific goals. Some r'ship i know can never work but i still go ahead becos i have faith in the other person. But that boils trouble becos there were pre-signs that thing wont work out. Now things surfaced, i can only sigh.

There is nothing wrong w/o r'ship. Living alone is something i m quite comfortable. Am as long as i do not know how to set standards and checklist, have better stay as i m now. Though consciously awaiting for him to u-turn... i hope u do, really.

But situation is such that there is no more u-turning and then moving ahead.

If that is the case, i will just move on silencely. Saddness will always be there but life has to go onz. 不再掏心掏肺 on another person.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2011
气质要好多些。
人要美一些
身材要苗条些
吃要健康些
活要积极很多

Yr 2011 direction

next year

- relationship status no longer 'It's complicated'
- Instead of embarking on certifications the focus may be getting language, muscial and physical skills (Japanese for sure)
- More exercises such as outdoor cycling
- Preparing for higher portfolio and position
- Strengthen report writing
- Strengthen finance /budgeting work
- Strengthen financial status
- Strengthen emotional

Unfinished Business

ACTA 2 more modules

Japanese language

Cycling

Swimming

10 most 'influential' ppl

BB
BC
(TBC)

10 most significant events 2010

Feb 2010
CNY Day 1 coincided with Valentine's Day. Actual Valentine had no time for me. Went clubbing and DN joined us. Went to pray after temple


April 2010
Left e2i and joined ReCAAP

May 2010
Driving License

August 2010
Sth happened in Phuket

Lost contact with DN. I do hate DN hahaha

Started the training course

Dec 2010
Went Japan. Din get chance to see much but happy i had chance to breathe the Tokyo, Kobe & Kyoto air

Cycling hobby

BB and BC

原来我们之间，我只要你快乐就满足了 :) 不是天长地久的缘，相处的时间不再衡量。只要多一天分享你的喜怒哀乐，我很愿意。 断断续续的简讯，只要你记得我们，就足够了。

sleep is tough

3 days woke at 4am and finding it hard to go back zzz. Likely zzz back at 6am and then about 8am will auto wake up despite being very tire


:(


i dun noe but first nite, found myself tearing

xxxxxxxxxxxx
he said the fundamental principle is I MUST BE HAPPY

But wat is happy? i dun noe. Well i do laugh n laugh merrily

:)

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he said sorry for being such an idiot..... i told him if his name is BO CHAP i m BO BIAN