u asked how come things become like this... and whr is the trust...
It is not about not trusting you. Rather, i may have not trusted myself that i deserve L.
Decade of pain haunting me?
Whole night no zzz well again. Tis morning, it occurs to me that if this goes on, u may soon choose to become one of the passerbys in my life. Haiz, 我也不想这样的。。。
幸福-我能拥有吗？
你- 我能守住吗？
你我- 可不可以。。。
THink too much le?
Worry too much le?
Tat first nite @ clubbing could have leave some insecurity... And a few times when u tend to worry for Y... our age.. my insecurity... when can i break free from these worries...
help me...
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
searching for the drive to work
Not only to work but to excel...
wat happen to me!
Could i dry up my drive n passion back in PA?
i cant find myself involve again :(
wake up WAKE UP WAKE UP
wat happen to me!
Could i dry up my drive n passion back in PA?
i cant find myself involve again :(
wake up WAKE UP WAKE UP
Saturday, May 3, 2008
it is so sad to put it to my blame..
if you wan to do sth jus do. Dun say actually for funz but dare not cos of me.
Haiz
very sick of such thingy.
For funz? but y zoning on that? so many times trying to shield her. But i m not that age to vie anything. LIke she said she wont not do that. It means somehow if so then...... well i noe i noe it is true also.
OKOK, i noe y. Cos i m jus secondary choice.
But dun have to tell me it is becos u worry i b not happy. Tat make me grey.
have e thought then jus do lor.
watever...
if you wan to do sth jus do. Dun say actually for funz but dare not cos of me.
Haiz
very sick of such thingy.
For funz? but y zoning on that? so many times trying to shield her. But i m not that age to vie anything. LIke she said she wont not do that. It means somehow if so then...... well i noe i noe it is true also.
OKOK, i noe y. Cos i m jus secondary choice.
But dun have to tell me it is becos u worry i b not happy. Tat make me grey.
have e thought then jus do lor.
watever...
Friday, May 2, 2008
May
This yr May is a very nervous mth.
Last yr was terrible very terrible.
This yr i dun noe, anticipating but scare everyting gone before bday * phobia again.. i think i need to see psychologist haha.
Suddenly after so many yrs of tearful bday, i feel like celebrating. But without candles of cos haha.. i wish many ppl will send my greetings... cos i wan to smile
Beside the nervous and abit of worry of losing... this yr i think i m not tied down by 10 yrs of bday phobia.. phobia he spent his bday with whichever bitch (a few in sequence), worry ROM day he choose to ignore. Watever i was not happy for decade. Then again not all his fault. I could have close one eye de hor? haha
WATEVER, this yr on 26 May i wan to smile..... without candles of cos haha.. no lah, m not ashame of my age. Being in active ageing, i believe age is not a barrier to own self esteem :)
give me a hug when u see me on 26 may hor :):):)
Last yr was terrible very terrible.
This yr i dun noe, anticipating but scare everyting gone before bday * phobia again.. i think i need to see psychologist haha.
Suddenly after so many yrs of tearful bday, i feel like celebrating. But without candles of cos haha.. i wish many ppl will send my greetings... cos i wan to smile
Beside the nervous and abit of worry of losing... this yr i think i m not tied down by 10 yrs of bday phobia.. phobia he spent his bday with whichever bitch (a few in sequence), worry ROM day he choose to ignore. Watever i was not happy for decade. Then again not all his fault. I could have close one eye de hor? haha
WATEVER, this yr on 26 May i wan to smile..... without candles of cos haha.. no lah, m not ashame of my age. Being in active ageing, i believe age is not a barrier to own self esteem :)
give me a hug when u see me on 26 may hor :):):)
wishes
Time flies past...
March was the mth i gave my blood for first time..
April kena bad news... doc said my red blood cell is v low n she sounded v worry.
Havent go for retest.
I noe sth not rite cos since few yrs ago, i been losing blood nightly... not alot but... sth not rite. At nite blood blend with mucus.. it getting too obvios. Sometimes i jus feel i need to blow out mucus but all r blood. Tonite again .. so irritating........
But i be sad if not allow to donate blood :(((((((((
This mth is the mth i feel i did disservice to the world.. by borning into the world. So wan to atone my sin...
wat is life when i cannot contribute back?
really good for nothing
March was the mth i gave my blood for first time..
April kena bad news... doc said my red blood cell is v low n she sounded v worry.
Havent go for retest.
I noe sth not rite cos since few yrs ago, i been losing blood nightly... not alot but... sth not rite. At nite blood blend with mucus.. it getting too obvios. Sometimes i jus feel i need to blow out mucus but all r blood. Tonite again .. so irritating........
But i be sad if not allow to donate blood :(((((((((
This mth is the mth i feel i did disservice to the world.. by borning into the world. So wan to atone my sin...
wat is life when i cannot contribute back?
really good for nothing
such a nitemare :(
Slept yesterday and suddnely felt someone pressing me. Heard noises and feel movement ard. I am home alone :(((((((((
Tried to chant and pray and struggle to wake up.
Managed to wake up at 12midnite (wa lau!).
SMS, had a phone call trying to calm me down.
No choice but to wake up n locked main door and brush teeth. Was so scare that i skipped washing my face cos dare not close eyes... all done in a huff n hide in room. Switched on tv. SMS and then another phone call :)) but i think i got scared badly so din wan to affect other, so asked to put down phone.
:(( feel like crying again....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
actually abit upset lah, said dun go then go. If no intention to remain then dun offer outright lah. really made me feel lousy.
I understand wed's nite already here and should go back de.
But dun offer.. there be some wrong notion. N it is not v nice to say then do then aft that change mind :((((((((( while i try to be understanding, it is abit upsetting. Haiz... so pretend to zzzzzz cos dun wan to show disapptment.
Tried to chant and pray and struggle to wake up.
Managed to wake up at 12midnite (wa lau!).
SMS, had a phone call trying to calm me down.
No choice but to wake up n locked main door and brush teeth. Was so scare that i skipped washing my face cos dare not close eyes... all done in a huff n hide in room. Switched on tv. SMS and then another phone call :)) but i think i got scared badly so din wan to affect other, so asked to put down phone.
:(( feel like crying again....
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
actually abit upset lah, said dun go then go. If no intention to remain then dun offer outright lah. really made me feel lousy.
I understand wed's nite already here and should go back de.
But dun offer.. there be some wrong notion. N it is not v nice to say then do then aft that change mind :((((((((( while i try to be understanding, it is abit upsetting. Haiz... so pretend to zzzzzz cos dun wan to show disapptment.
Thursday, May 1, 2008
当 我还是 一个懵懂的女孩 遇到爱 不懂爱 从过去 到现在
直到他 也离开 留我在云海徘徊 明白没人能取代 他曾给我的信赖
See me fly, I'm proud to fly up high 不能一直依赖 别人给我拥戴
Believe me I can fly, I'm singing in the sky 就算风雨覆盖 我也不怕重来
我 已不是 那个懵懂的女孩 遇到爱 用力爱 仍信 真爱
风雨来 不避开 谦虚把头低下来 像沙鸥来去天地 只为寻一个奇迹
* See me fly (Let me fly), I'm proud to fly up high
生命已经打开
我要那种精彩
Believe me I can fly, I'm singing in the sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩 *
我盼有一天能和你 相见 骄傲地对着天空说 是借着你的风
*我不会独单 因为你 都在
直到他 也离开 留我在云海徘徊 明白没人能取代 他曾给我的信赖
See me fly, I'm proud to fly up high 不能一直依赖 别人给我拥戴
Believe me I can fly, I'm singing in the sky 就算风雨覆盖 我也不怕重来
我 已不是 那个懵懂的女孩 遇到爱 用力爱 仍信 真爱
风雨来 不避开 谦虚把头低下来 像沙鸥来去天地 只为寻一个奇迹
* See me fly (Let me fly), I'm proud to fly up high
生命已经打开
我要那种精彩
Believe me I can fly, I'm singing in the sky
你曾经对我说 做勇敢的女孩 *
我盼有一天能和你 相见 骄傲地对着天空说 是借着你的风
*我不会独单 因为你 都在
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