TORTURe

how long can i bear with this chronic low red blood cell count torture? very min feel like going to faint...

i wish i wish to take a break from work n rest for months to gain back wat was lost. But it is impossible. There will be more disaster back at home only. Nobody nobody bother what will happen to me. they will only say 'take care' and that's it. Every month this ATM will still have to work. The one running away from reality never come back again n will give more prob if i rise my prob.

To certain extend, i blame him actually. Cos if two pax shoulder the responsibility well, i think i dun have to slog like hell over the yrs. but selfish heart wanna pursue own interest at my expense.

How long how long must i should the major responsibility?

actually i think it all crap if they tell me to 'take care'

haa, such dark side of me. But tmr when i wake up, the routine will continue n my laughter will shine again :)

everything floating again

very light headed now!


n my work has yet to complete. DUMB DUMB


Thanks bat for the DOM. Gonna treat u since i m not kind haaaaaa u noe wat i meant

next time..

i rather not have it than later ppl think i dun appreciate. What e hell i done to make u feel not appreciated?

于是爱恨交错

口是心非

这些苦没来由

ppl u thought u r suppose to be so much closer may actually be calculative. Then dun do it, dun do it, dun do it

somehow still .. 我不是影子啦

back from bbk

came back last nite

Went on saturday.

Such a working retreat!

though seminar is only half day but i think i busier than the actual dept that organised this retreat. Must be like mamasan; going ard give namecard n self introduce.

Then at nites, eat and drink with bosses.

Lucky i TRAINED so know how to handle situation.

Haaaaaa after this, i really think when i started clubbing it was really to prepare me for the job.

My bigger boss really fascinated by me - tat i can dance? FAINT.. cos ppl started calling me 'teacher' le.. hate it.. that specs and my stupid dumb face.. so teacher look YUCKY!

Not much shopping. Only managed to grab shorts on last day... n gosh, i really need to lose weight to fit into the 6 pairs of shorts.. or really lugi money..

but for time being, at least tonite, let me try the banana , durian chips lah lol

Today i was one of the luckier ones to be able to have close session with CEO. but my RBC is not helping me so i looked and acted dumb

:( in the bus, i feel like shouting loud n cry.. i wan my RBC back to normal so i dun feel so enervate and then can do what i did last time - FULL of energy n accomplish alot. So that i wont be worry of presentation becos i will get breathless and mind gone blank cos of low RBC

Then i can leave this place and not working for another SUSAN GxH 100% brain alike!

nice cooking and nice nice day :)

Morning was rather upset.

Last month my RBC count went up to 9.9 and i tot i could go beyond 10! but it drop to 9.8. Though not a significant drop, it is still low. The acceptable is 12. Doc said may have to send me to hospital to 'run' iron through me liao.

But it sounds scarey mah. So i asked to take iron tablets again lah :( but i will puke mah wa lau

anway doc said though not life threatening it is obstructing me in term of gettin tire easily, my thinking and reaction and may faint anytime wa lau wa lau. But the reaction and thinking part is true, at work i have black out alot of time and cannot think as fast as i can le lah :(

Evening was great cos of xx, so supportive of me.

One pic of the past brought back so much memories.. not all r sweet though

Believe the power of FACEBOOK

Saw another friend added my secondary school n went in to take a look. Found two of my class photos. N some of the classmates contact.

But i din really wan to go and say hi.

Despite school is lousy my class was super competitive and they are really really highly intelligent de. It seem alot of them are achieving well now.

I was very inferior at school de. Ppl got edcuated parents, got decent money for school, can go out and play. My family, we were always worried about money. Sometimes one week only $10 for family of 4 + grandma and my uncle & aunty will stay and then drunk and fight. Most times i skipped my makan so that my bro get more money. Sometimes if we have maggie mee to eat it was already very happy occasion...

Homework also pretty competitive.

Looking at the pic bring me back some past n feelings really mixed. Looking at the present me, i should say is better than last time le. But of cos when u compare with them... haiz...

It is not about comparing but jus memories and feelings gushes in now

o no

suddenly feel light headed again :(

is the screen too glaring or it jus me that the words are floating?

dumb dumb dumb dumb