这个圣诞节，病得不轻。
怎么了？
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Meditation in front of Buddha
cant have face reality more than these 2 days... Meditation in temple helps to neutralise some grievances & negativities. Realise efforts shifted from doing own good to feeling anger of others' doing. Time and energies wasted & hurt someone i love most. From now on, just wanna peace and do not want to be swirl in negativity. Save gossips to urself and spare me. Let me live peacefully for the Xmas & welcome yr2011.
I need to re-focus on myself. The $ shit is falling on me very soon and i need to work out budget in order to have a proper place to live. There is no time to absorb into other ppl prob.
It is difficult and i must persist
I need to re-focus on myself. The $ shit is falling on me very soon and i need to work out budget in order to have a proper place to live. There is no time to absorb into other ppl prob.
It is difficult and i must persist
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Retreat 2010
Have been doing self reflection for past few weeks.
This moment starts the proper 2 days intensive reflections. Running away from ppl and technology. Phone may be onz but not answering as possible.
Tots may just be fickle and disjoint but all r precious reflections or goals ahead.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tdy had good morning cycling at Pasir Ris Park. Then LS while shopping.
Bought new bedsheet set (which i have not been doing since separated from Calvin). Just want bed to look proper again. If i have to sleep alone forever, i want it to be nice.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Nothing wrong to be alone. Was reflecting this 2 yr r'ship while awaitin for paperwork to be done. It was an unplanned one. Actually which r'ship is planned? i have closed my heart but HOPE always fool ppl and i tot i give one more try. Then it has to go now.
I see the weak side of hearts.
Will never able to see hatred but just regrets.
So what made me fail from one to another? What made others fine?
Becos i never set standards and never have specific goals. Some r'ship i know can never work but i still go ahead becos i have faith in the other person. But that boils trouble becos there were pre-signs that thing wont work out. Now things surfaced, i can only sigh.
There is nothing wrong w/o r'ship. Living alone is something i m quite comfortable. Am as long as i do not know how to set standards and checklist, have better stay as i m now. Though consciously awaiting for him to u-turn... i hope u do, really.
But situation is such that there is no more u-turning and then moving ahead.
If that is the case, i will just move on silencely. Saddness will always be there but life has to go onz. 不再掏心掏肺 on another person.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2011
气质要好多些。
人要美一些
身材要苗条些
吃要健康些
活要积极很多
This moment starts the proper 2 days intensive reflections. Running away from ppl and technology. Phone may be onz but not answering as possible.
Tots may just be fickle and disjoint but all r precious reflections or goals ahead.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tdy had good morning cycling at Pasir Ris Park. Then LS while shopping.
Bought new bedsheet set (which i have not been doing since separated from Calvin). Just want bed to look proper again. If i have to sleep alone forever, i want it to be nice.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Nothing wrong to be alone. Was reflecting this 2 yr r'ship while awaitin for paperwork to be done. It was an unplanned one. Actually which r'ship is planned? i have closed my heart but HOPE always fool ppl and i tot i give one more try. Then it has to go now.
I see the weak side of hearts.
Will never able to see hatred but just regrets.
So what made me fail from one to another? What made others fine?
Becos i never set standards and never have specific goals. Some r'ship i know can never work but i still go ahead becos i have faith in the other person. But that boils trouble becos there were pre-signs that thing wont work out. Now things surfaced, i can only sigh.
There is nothing wrong w/o r'ship. Living alone is something i m quite comfortable. Am as long as i do not know how to set standards and checklist, have better stay as i m now. Though consciously awaiting for him to u-turn... i hope u do, really.
But situation is such that there is no more u-turning and then moving ahead.
If that is the case, i will just move on silencely. Saddness will always be there but life has to go onz. 不再掏心掏肺 on another person.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
2011
气质要好多些。
人要美一些
身材要苗条些
吃要健康些
活要积极很多
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Yr 2011 direction
next year
- relationship status no longer 'It's complicated'
- Instead of embarking on certifications the focus may be getting language, muscial and physical skills (Japanese for sure)
- More exercises such as outdoor cycling
- Preparing for higher portfolio and position
- Strengthen report writing
- Strengthen finance /budgeting work
- Strengthen financial status
- Strengthen emotional
- relationship status no longer 'It's complicated'
- Instead of embarking on certifications the focus may be getting language, muscial and physical skills (Japanese for sure)
- More exercises such as outdoor cycling
- Preparing for higher portfolio and position
- Strengthen report writing
- Strengthen finance /budgeting work
- Strengthen financial status
- Strengthen emotional
10 most significant events 2010
Feb 2010
CNY Day 1 coincided with Valentine's Day. Actual Valentine had no time for me. Went clubbing and DN joined us. Went to pray after temple
April 2010
Left e2i and joined ReCAAP
May 2010
Driving License
August 2010
Sth happened in Phuket
Lost contact with DN. I do hate DN hahaha
Started the training course
Dec 2010
Went Japan. Din get chance to see much but happy i had chance to breathe the Tokyo, Kobe & Kyoto air
Cycling hobby
CNY Day 1 coincided with Valentine's Day. Actual Valentine had no time for me. Went clubbing and DN joined us. Went to pray after temple
April 2010
Left e2i and joined ReCAAP
May 2010
Driving License
August 2010
Sth happened in Phuket
Lost contact with DN. I do hate DN hahaha
Started the training course
Dec 2010
Went Japan. Din get chance to see much but happy i had chance to breathe the Tokyo, Kobe & Kyoto air
Cycling hobby
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
sleep is tough
3 days woke at 4am and finding it hard to go back zzz. Likely zzz back at 6am and then about 8am will auto wake up despite being very tire
:(
i dun noe but first nite, found myself tearing
xxxxxxxxxxxx
he said the fundamental principle is I MUST BE HAPPY
But wat is happy? i dun noe. Well i do laugh n laugh merrily
:)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
he said sorry for being such an idiot..... i told him if his name is BO CHAP i m BO BIAN
:(
i dun noe but first nite, found myself tearing
xxxxxxxxxxxx
he said the fundamental principle is I MUST BE HAPPY
But wat is happy? i dun noe. Well i do laugh n laugh merrily
:)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
he said sorry for being such an idiot..... i told him if his name is BO CHAP i m BO BIAN
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
secret passage
novelty died so fast?
checked FB. we started msg since 7 Aug so it has been few mths. So a game remains as a game
haiz
jus feeling empty
no, there is no lov
but there is feeling? really ? i dun think so
jus from no to have to now no again
haiz haiz haiz
checked FB. we started msg since 7 Aug so it has been few mths. So a game remains as a game
haiz
jus feeling empty
no, there is no lov
but there is feeling? really ? i dun think so
jus from no to have to now no again
haiz haiz haiz
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
怎么了？
is routine eating me up and thus my emotions trying to get myself new fantasy with depression?
So strange strange strange
If this is PMS it will be like 2 weeks long? gosh! i dun wanna that
when can i pick up good mood again? or at least try to look cheery n laugh loud m0re naturally????????
So strange strange strange
If this is PMS it will be like 2 weeks long? gosh! i dun wanna that
when can i pick up good mood again? or at least try to look cheery n laugh loud m0re naturally????????
Monday, November 1, 2010
Did i not tell myself that i shouldnt let myself go out of control in r'ship?
how can i trust?
what can i trust?
Why do i let myself sink in this r'ship?
And now when things cool down, it jus ate me up bits by bits
I can flirt ard and have many little romance n they r not eating into me
But u u u , the one i dun noe y i never let my guard on.... ..... now tell me holding hands is no more comfortable
Dun know wat u really want.... u wan a breakup and refuse to come out fr ur mouth? u let me relate to him.. the man who wanna divorce din wan to say it out
In mid of marriage prob n lodgin prob y do i let myself sinkin into yet another depression?
i have other TLC ard me but y do i still let myself affect by u u u
u u u
y
y i let myself believe once again in fairy tale n then bubble burst
maybe i should start counting my blessing that it lasted 2.5 yrs
how can i trust?
what can i trust?
Why do i let myself sink in this r'ship?
And now when things cool down, it jus ate me up bits by bits
I can flirt ard and have many little romance n they r not eating into me
But u u u , the one i dun noe y i never let my guard on.... ..... now tell me holding hands is no more comfortable
Dun know wat u really want.... u wan a breakup and refuse to come out fr ur mouth? u let me relate to him.. the man who wanna divorce din wan to say it out
In mid of marriage prob n lodgin prob y do i let myself sinkin into yet another depression?
i have other TLC ard me but y do i still let myself affect by u u u
u u u
y
y i let myself believe once again in fairy tale n then bubble burst
maybe i should start counting my blessing that it lasted 2.5 yrs
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
speechless
it is so easy for people to tell me 'i am sorry, i cant' and i have to accept it.
Give up!
Give up!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
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