这个圣诞节，病得不轻。

怎么了？

Meditation in front of Buddha

cant have face reality more than these 2 days... Meditation in temple helps to neutralise some grievances & negativities. Realise efforts shifted from doing own good to feeling anger of others' doing. Time and energies wasted & hurt someone i love most. From now on, just wanna peace and do not want to be swirl in negativity. Save gossips to urself and spare me. Let me live peacefully for the Xmas & welcome yr2011.


I need to re-focus on myself. The $ shit is falling on me very soon and i need to work out budget in order to have a proper place to live. There is no time to absorb into other ppl prob.

It is difficult and i must persist

almost complete my 2010 reflection

'Moving forward' In my unpublished blog entry :)

要深深记住！

要沉得住气

u can dun respect me and my lifestyle and then do things that provoke my anger. I have to learn to keep own cool.

how can i get work up becos of u? u r just nothing more than a tool to me too.

上不了的妆

彩妆对女生是重要的，它让妮神采飞扬。

可是这几个星期，总无法上妆。眼泪花了遮瑕膏。

忧伤是自己的；而自己是因该操控情绪的。可是，自己没法面对自己。。。

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=e2mpVbfDZ2Q

Retreat 2010

Have been doing self reflection for past few weeks.

This moment starts the proper 2 days intensive reflections. Running away from ppl and technology. Phone may be onz but not answering as possible.

Tots may just be fickle and disjoint but all r precious reflections or goals ahead.

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Tdy had good morning cycling at Pasir Ris Park. Then LS while shopping.

Bought new bedsheet set (which i have not been doing since separated from Calvin). Just want bed to look proper again. If i have to sleep alone forever, i want it to be nice.

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Nothing wrong to be alone. Was reflecting this 2 yr r'ship while awaitin for paperwork to be done. It was an unplanned one. Actually which r'ship is planned? i have closed my heart but HOPE always fool ppl and i tot i give one more try. Then it has to go now.

I see the weak side of hearts.

Will never able to see hatred but just regrets.

So what made me fail from one to another? What made others fine?
Becos i never set standards and never have specific goals. Some r'ship i know can never work but i still go ahead becos i have faith in the other person. But that boils trouble becos there were pre-signs that thing wont work out. Now things surfaced, i can only sigh.

There is nothing wrong w/o r'ship. Living alone is something i m quite comfortable. Am as long as i do not know how to set standards and checklist, have better stay as i m now. Though consciously awaiting for him to u-turn... i hope u do, really.

But situation is such that there is no more u-turning and then moving ahead.

If that is the case, i will just move on silencely. Saddness will always be there but life has to go onz. 不再掏心掏肺 on another person.

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2011
气质要好多些。
人要美一些
身材要苗条些
吃要健康些
活要积极很多

Yr 2011 direction

next year

- relationship status no longer 'It's complicated'
- Instead of embarking on certifications the focus may be getting language, muscial and physical skills (Japanese for sure)
- More exercises such as outdoor cycling
- Preparing for higher portfolio and position
- Strengthen report writing
- Strengthen finance /budgeting work
- Strengthen financial status
- Strengthen emotional

Unfinished Business

ACTA 2 more modules

Japanese language

Cycling

Swimming

10 most 'influential' ppl

BB
BC
(TBC)

10 most significant events 2010

Feb 2010
CNY Day 1 coincided with Valentine's Day. Actual Valentine had no time for me. Went clubbing and DN joined us. Went to pray after temple


April 2010
Left e2i and joined ReCAAP

May 2010
Driving License

August 2010
Sth happened in Phuket

Lost contact with DN. I do hate DN hahaha

Started the training course

Dec 2010
Went Japan. Din get chance to see much but happy i had chance to breathe the Tokyo, Kobe & Kyoto air

Cycling hobby