i know wat ur reply mean.....

aiyah, dun sound too scare k!

noted noted

Good Morning

I think i slept at about 2am?

And woke at 7am this morning.

The chill making me shiver. The pain got me curled into a ball.

The eve of first day of work...... causing unsettled moments.

冷冷刺刺的寒风
微微地阵痛
不得已的我又睁开双眼

大约5小时的睡眠，真让自己摸不着头儿。
那么爱睡的我，怎么了？

不知道为什么，一个念头常常涌入脑子。
“如果下一刻是终点，我能不能把握这一秒”

怎么会想提起勇气，自告奋勇， 想再尝试？
好像朋友们的一些鼓励和激励让我蠢蠢欲动。

他们说也许经历了那狂风暴雨，累积的一切，能让我更懂得处理将来。
她们说我不要让自己那么的封锁。
我的心对我说：
“展示其实有的潜能， 好吗”
“最多也只是再摔一跤。这路长着呢”

是吗？我真的可以吗？

好感人的歌词：

“逃避 原来 不是面对的道理”
“看清自己种下的可惜 重复後悔的延续”

“就像一场游戏我要自己掌握遥控器”
“要随时保持魅力才能得分不被判出局”
“见招拆招才重要敢爱就不要跑”

O i really like many of Andy's songs. This one is great. It is not about man/woman r'ship. It is about facing life and ppl ard you and the things you need to do but never dare to, or din put in best efforts.

绕一个圈 又过了一会转 犯错以后才后悔会不会太晚自
就算认错 就算你说
下一次 我不敢
失去容易 啊 回头真难
日子再坏也必须要走完 啊
在生活中 每一个人应该有对自己最诚实的那份勇敢
朋友啊 虽然哭泣常常让人太难堪· 其实眼泪也有温暖
流过泪的你才能慢慢成长
有伤心才会懂得有心欢 啊
抓紧时间把你感情的帐单　 好好去认认真真一一的清还　
为身边每个人　 请不要再怠慢　 让爱火一再点燃　
从今我不想　 再听你说　 下一次我不敢

jiayou le jiayou le
xianzai, jin tian, mingtian

found tis accidentally..乱了感觉

心好乱夜好长寂寞想找人分摊别以为感情说喜欢爱自然而然有人接管谎言成串把爱和永恒分两端该散的时候谁能抵挡伤心不断怎能了无遗憾我的心已经乱了感觉是错或还是对你又怎能察觉不要企图想要围剿我伤心的泪昨夜的爱早已冷却我的心已经乱了感觉应该是进是退又有什么分别爱早已经做好了准备再伤一回不够伤心不能体会我的伤你怎能体会我的心已经乱了感觉

Dragging for too long le

2nd time tryin to write this. keep having error

Was saying i wonder how long my situation will drag.

Since already know there is no turning back we should carry out the documentations soon.

I hate n dun know wat to say when ppl ask if i m married

At interviews i get insulted

Then comin tuesday how? ppl will ask.

So tire ... still have to help him with things n get scoldings on n off. N to pretend i hear nothign when he tried to insult me again. I think got to give loan again. i mean i cant say no help. N he did return but but but

it so unhealthy. Haiz

Doing many things at same time

hee hee

Getting my energy back?

Wat m i doing now? reseach on ACTIVE AGEING (gosh so many ppl r doing, i feel so stress), msn, facebook, add songs to my mp3, bloggin


heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Break!

haiz even i have few days of annual leave to clear, din get chance to get out of the town.

Anway Ying n Flor goin to Japan in July. Last yr we said we going together. But aft counting wat i had, have n goin to have, i dropped the idea.

Then J, HC, and few others are going to BBK.

so envy lor

I have been asking for friends to go batam with me de. So can stay at least one nite over and have massage package. But many fly me kite.

Am not really the type that can travel alone esp such places :P

Did think of Shanghai, Taiwan de. I think cheaper as compared to Japan. Actually i think if back pack may be cheaper also.

Now hopes all dash. Cos need to work. Maybe good also. Better save for bro's daily expenses.

I hve a dream to let my little bro go travel :) Must earn more more more

was i too frank n direct?

still thinking of last friday

i actually very crudely scolded my guy friends cos they were not 'behaving'. I know it is common at club but i felt responsible cos i am the coordinate for the party.

Sorry. i dun mean to qn your(s) integrity one. Only that i scare my gal friends angry with me

So the many guys 'm sorry if i was crude n hurt u'.

.........

i jus say wat i feel lah.

cos tdy abit unhappy when u did tat thingy. Not 'unhappy' jus 闷闷feeling

so being gemini, i tell u that two things.

but i know wat reality is.

So it jus my expression lah. dun be stress.

i will try to earn my credits. the rest let time tell bah

Whew! about 6 hours of sleep

Beat myself and slept more than wat i did past few days.

Suddenly inspired 人生某些际遇也可能只是过眼云烟，我想好好把握这一刻了

听到了吗 heehee

This Gemini random spirit at work again hor

Clubbing on last fri of March 2008

If i got it rite, clubbed every friday in March 2008.

Nowadays memory keeps failing me. I did not want to recall things too easily bah

This is the last clubbing as unsure if new job need me to work on sat & sun morning.

Actually if fri i cant, sat is good. But not many will go on Sat.

Or maybe first month of work i can still R&R?

Supposed to be me being the happiest person that can enjoy. Clearing leave and leaving company. No job burden in mind. But turned out so unexpectedly. And emotions rolled in again.

Haiz, this one i dun wan to reveal too much.

理性与感性的纷争:P

Some pics which were taken. There are actually two for Ying and me but one of them too dark to see. I guess they have taken pics olso but i dun get :P

As everyone know that nowadays mangojo only used the simplest phone so din really take pic. THese are kindly sponsored by some one sweetz

i looking for this song :) used to have it i think

你会不会不爱我
像他曾经不爱她
所以遗弃了我们
你会不会
你会不会不爱我
像他改变了初衷所以夜里她总在哭
你会不会
我尝试去遗忘遗忘曾受过的伤,眼睛曾看过的事
我很爱他们彼此但爱情走了什么也留不住
所以我害怕
我害怕的不敢去想未来
不敢面对自己的幸福
不敢相信可以拥有你
不敢再放感情
我害怕
怕失去你以后会找不到自己
你会不会不爱我会不会不爱我你会不会不爱我会不会不爱我

:)

Let it stop there le.

It's enough, i think it is quite sweetz le. Before everything turn into reality, put a stop and lead ur life :)

I M NERVOUS

Signs show.

Since Thursday (which is first day of my annual leave clearance) i only have less than 5 hours of sleep each day. Even this morning. I partied till 3+, slept at 530am n woke at 730am.

Feel unease.

Will i collapse before Tuesday?

letter to J

Buddy

U r not ard now.

I jus wan to write some emotions n share with you.

We re forever so buddy. Share joy n woes.

Tonite i wanted to drink alot alot n cry out loud. Cos i feel i wan to die one more time so that i can start afresh tmr n focus on work.

Recently something happened. It stirs some emotions; Overall outlook in life.

I wan to write out what exactly happen but i hate to be labelled as desperate. No i M NOT. Incident only reflects what damages it has created for my life.

"不敢也不可再触动那情弦了。tat minute life has never breathe"

How to turn into a robot. Work for rest of life for others. Go out must take care of others. N forget i am also a human. Walk like a corpse...

I know tmr i will wake up. Tmr if anyone msn,sms, email or talk to me, i will still be the mad person n rattle nonsenses (that i so used to put up in front of others). But deep in i m v v v v v v tire... I am tire of taking care of others, let ppl betray me and i continue to take care and care of the person(s). Cannot cry to song, cannot let tears shed anymore. Drink and cannot be drunk...

LAO LU MING!

These two days early early in morning i would complain to Cheong Ling.

Poor her. She has no choice as she is the only one online so early. really PEI FU her.

I should be having my break now till new work start on 1 April 2008. That is already quite miserable as we are talking about next Tuesday!

Yet these two days proven that i have sleep disorder! Slept late like 2 or 3.3am but still self woke up at 7.30am. And when i tried to nap, my nap become 1 hour only. No matter how tire i am, i just woke up like that! Well well, nap is suppose to be short? that is not me! My nap hours is minimum 3.5hrs!

So Cheong Ling quoted her mum's advice: Do NOT work on 1st day of CNY and Bday and less may be better. I am taking note here!

new acquainted friend

Actually we dun really talk though he is often seen taking minutes at the MC meeting. Some corporate planning person.

It was only when i needed something and called him. And he asked me for lunch when realised i m leaving company :P

Abit late to get friends at last stage in the company. The other one is Richard. We missed knowing each other in PA.

Post note: I actually forgot to take pic with Priscilla from Customer Care! She was my Toto Hongbao Draw $68 Fortune Pack buddy! But she is at 9th floor and i still very wary of going there. It is like a maze.

:)

LAST DAY

there is this tag that the other unit made for their road show. It become sth that everyone look forward to hold it - striking 4D and Toto n out of rat race ;P As usual trend started from mangojo ;P

Last physical working day ytd. Had abit of countdown n got hit by CL. heehee

She also added like my msn nick ' packing up nonsenses'

Time to be serious to learn and fall and pick up at work again ;)

Good or bad i dun know. But i wan to do best so that if it does not work again i know y!

Sick le

Ytd late nite, mop WALLS and also clean up my bedroom.

Onz aircon while zzz and due to own laziness, did not off it despite feeling cold.

So this morning, i knew i have caught a cold.

Now still feverish and most unbearable with a running nose.

Past medicines were all either expired or non for flu cure.

Took panadol and zzz.

Woke at 7pm and prepared my dinner. Mix veg soup and steam fish. Added alot of ginger in hope it can cure my flu over the night so i can go work tommorrow. No intention to take MC.

Still eating now.

wei wei

J, y suddenly so cold har?

worry friendship gone. Did i do sth or say sth wrong????????

I dun wan to keep losing friend, be it man or woman.

:(

With a help fr ex classmate, the clubbing still turn funz!

To continue fr that incident, that nite was not all lost lah.

Ying came to join me and HC. By the time she reached, already at peak. Music was damn great n all were high dancing away. And Jac came over to visit me haaaaaaa. She must felt out of place? :P

Ying got camera as she came fr her company D&D. Btw wat she got for her lucky draw is wat i got from that guy. Life is so ironcal hor!!!!! one happy one is soo upset! haaaaaa

With the pics, it inspires me to take pic with some colleagues. But it must be a challenge to take pic openly as i have selective list ;P

It happened again!

That few days, someone msn me to talk about his past. I guess as friend i dun mind to lend a ear n also to share some of my stories. In hope that ppl like him who ever sway know how to turn back to family. Cos i was victim myself before. N usually it worked as guys after hearing my stories then realised how upset wife can get!

But there were some parts which is not really wat i expected the topic to turn. As usual i manage to twist n turn n change topic on time.

Then was asked if want to go clubbing together. Actually i have been setting target to go down St. James all Fridays until my new work start. And this time, have this gut feel that i should go down with him to see if what i suspect is true.

Had another friend with me to go together. The situation was rather tensed cos the two men do not know each other so quite awkward. And it was too early (to avoid cover charge) the crowd was pathetic. Not to mentioned it was a PH!.

Ok, i confessed if i sounded too oversuspicous and take ppl's goodwill as sth negative? maybe cos i dun trust men anymore :P Was presented with a gift. That was shocking. I did put on my msn nick that a device was spolit n lookin for sth cheap (ya, no need brand for me de). But that does not mean i actually expect ppl to buy! Even if to accept must be fr someones i real close to (well i can name the names if request heehee). It put me off. I think it is disgusting ( apologise again if the person really have no other intention). But y give to me? there is no reason. To me har, a thing that is close to $100 is really a big gift (emphaise again i m not rich!) so y give? Sympathy? or other intention? Pls lor, better use the money to buy toys for kids!

Ya i irk the idea of married men tryin to be nice to me. No i am not desperate, please. Admit i am a REJECTED goods from marraige but as a human i still hae dignity and QC.

Going to return the money.

Not sure if this person will read the blog n curse. But i have my own thinking n feeling. N i felt insulted. IF u r the person n read this blog, pls do not reply back. U can grow anger with me. I wan to simply protect myself.

New friendship!

Already 6 mths with this current co.!

Time flies so fast!

And i am moving on again. Vertical, horizontal or reverse i wont know yet. Let's hope for the best.

Over these 6 mths, it was rather tough. This place is full of politics n ppl dun work cos they need to work. They work cos u r their friends and respect them.

Finally after few months of hardwork, manage to get some ppl who initially irk me now kind of give me some face. And with alot of sincerity, i managed to get real friendship as well ;) It could also be because i openly shared with them that alot of work conflict arise as decision is beyond my control. As usual, while i work, i also ensure some fun and laughter with my rubbish talk. That could have 'won' some sympathy? lol

So now ppl like Jenny, Jac, Donna, Wenshing, Mel, Lisa, Winn, Kazae and Priscilla are my friends liao. N i really mean FRIEND ok!

One rather not pleasing person but i rather not spend time writing on her. Waste my time only.

Dear new friends, hope that we can still keep friendship even if i will leave the place next wednesday.

Cheers!

Clubbing

Been going to St.James quite frequently.

A bit tipsy(ya i know my stomach too well) and some small dance movements bring abit of controvesy to daily life. I like it :)

Wat to do? go KTV and likely the songs will tear me down ;P

Tis morning someone actually tried to call me on hp n phone in attempt to wake me up. I think he forgot that i went party last nite and need to sleep. Haiz. When i need companion n he is not available, i cant say anything. But get suan for not responding.

So sick of being spare tyres to friends lei :P

N also one annoying incident; still going on! Someone tried to use me to test a guy so as to show the guy is seriosu towards her? i think so. It geeting sooooooo obvious. GOSH. Have a meaningful life pls

Many times when i am on msn, i am actually not in front of my laptop. Need to spend time doing reading, research and upkeep the house lah. So dun dun dun say i DAO hor

My first time.......

Sounds suggestive? lol





Here it is...........

e next one is in May. Hope i persist. That yr tat day in May, the earth got this useless pax n waste still waste resources. So better give back ;)

i no money but still have this to give lol