when did i start losing my fighting spirit and let illnesses n strange pain overcome me?
Secondary time - super bad IBS and non stop menses.. i fought and win
Part time Poly - super super bad IBS, piled up stress from working and studying. suspected stomach cancer.. i fought single handedly
PA time - no day no nite work.. sick eveyr other week.. my fighting spirit embraces me and continue to score high points on every part of the career
Separating period- lose ability to sleep. Deep depression... i walked out of it aft 2 yrs.
Now - chronic fatigue jus overwhelmed me. Zero confident stopped every thing i wann to do and achieve..
M i living for too long? tat y i lose my life purpose
Should i attempt to lose it for once n maybe rekindled life n fighting spirit?
very breatheless now i dun noe y...
:(
Friday, October 31, 2008
Backfire?
Gradually i come to term that i m the type that will pressurised own self to the max on many things.
Maybe i cant take failure. Likely i jus too sick of failing again and again in many areas.
One big influence was him. He used to put alot of expectations on me in many tings. if i cant do it and really many times i couldn't i am termed as 'useless'. So i simply cant take failure.
So today the pressure is very huge though it is not sth too big. But eversince then, my confidence level dropped to lowest. A simple thing i find it too hard to pick up.
So i tried to play it down with alot of negative words or even made it believe i dun care. It is to protect myself towards unforgiving myself should thing do not go rite.
e more i live, the more i dread of waking up. The more i dread of breathing... when everything of me is so WRONG!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not a prostitute. I dun really like any m an to jus touch me be it my hands or shoulder. Felt disgusted.
Mindset change.. last time i was abit wayward (not as much though) becos i wan to revenge n hate my hubby for wat he did.
Now i m having a normal r'ship. N i hope the rest r really truthful friendship
Yeah, friendship pls.......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
a story tat haunted me for 6 mths ...................
她常常故作冰清玉洁
不让任何人轻微碰动
那晚她见到他，却往他怀里靠
她心动了
其实他们好配。。。 对不起
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱上了
越来越爱
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
害怕梦会醒
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
Maybe i cant take failure. Likely i jus too sick of failing again and again in many areas.
One big influence was him. He used to put alot of expectations on me in many tings. if i cant do it and really many times i couldn't i am termed as 'useless'. So i simply cant take failure.
So today the pressure is very huge though it is not sth too big. But eversince then, my confidence level dropped to lowest. A simple thing i find it too hard to pick up.
So i tried to play it down with alot of negative words or even made it believe i dun care. It is to protect myself towards unforgiving myself should thing do not go rite.
e more i live, the more i dread of waking up. The more i dread of breathing... when everything of me is so WRONG!!!!!!!
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Not a prostitute. I dun really like any m an to jus touch me be it my hands or shoulder. Felt disgusted.
Mindset change.. last time i was abit wayward (not as much though) becos i wan to revenge n hate my hubby for wat he did.
Now i m having a normal r'ship. N i hope the rest r really truthful friendship
Yeah, friendship pls.......
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
a story tat haunted me for 6 mths ...................
她常常故作冰清玉洁
不让任何人轻微碰动
那晚她见到他，却往他怀里靠
她心动了
其实他们好配。。。 对不起
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
爱上了
越来越爱
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
害怕梦会醒
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
Monday, October 27, 2008
giantic acne
Not exactly termed as acne .. but i dun noe wat e hack the term is called n spell.. doc said i forgot.
Pain pain
scare scare
scar scar?
:(:(:(
Pain pain
scare scare
scar scar?
:(:(:(
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
a v old song.. can only find lyrics :(
如果愛是這麼簡單
作詞：李子恆 作曲：李子恆 編曲：屠穎&李士先 演唱：高淑津
是不是這樣就算愛上你 要不要說聲我愛你會不會我太隱藏自己 讓好多日子就這麼過去該不該就此放心去戀愛 其實你對我也不壞好不好讓你一樣明白 我心中早己有了愛的感覺認識你再愛上你 就像一場遊戲如果停止這遊戲 它是悲還是喜為何愛情來的如此容易 歐....如果愛是這麼簡單 為何心中有個疑難總是害怕愛情不會有永遠 歐...如果愛是這麼簡單 為何懂你越來越難總是聽不見你心中的希望
作詞：李子恆 作曲：李子恆 編曲：屠穎&李士先 演唱：高淑津
是不是這樣就算愛上你 要不要說聲我愛你會不會我太隱藏自己 讓好多日子就這麼過去該不該就此放心去戀愛 其實你對我也不壞好不好讓你一樣明白 我心中早己有了愛的感覺認識你再愛上你 就像一場遊戲如果停止這遊戲 它是悲還是喜為何愛情來的如此容易 歐....如果愛是這麼簡單 為何心中有個疑難總是害怕愛情不會有永遠 歐...如果愛是這麼簡單 為何懂你越來越難總是聽不見你心中的希望
Such a long time since here..
not that i have nothing to input. It all in my mind ..
maybe i should start doign what writers usually do.. record down thoughts using voice recorder then pen them down..
Recently quite irritated by some people. Maybe bcos i have more time on hand.. so more interaction?
Actually with more time on hand does not mean i wan to waste my time on errands others wan me to help. Selectively ok but not all. The meaning of not working is different in everyone's dictionary. if u think i m not working now mean totally useless n idling that is ur biz. U can do that also n live up to ur expectation lo.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Due to economic condition, those who have jobs majority will clinch on tightly (majority only cos minority still idling in office and abusing communication tools). Then u hear more n more people unhappy with their job workload and bosses. Bosses who are not up to standard now tend to throw more weights becos they know the subordinates need the job.
But they have forgotten that people on top will watch them also. When economy turns well, we shall see who will have the last laugh
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Office politics is everywhr.
Nobody like it. N the more nobody wan to be a victim.
Colleagues can never be real gd friend, that we ought to remember always.
With same position, you need to vie credit and performance. In different department you will still need to think of own department interest.
But human r still human. Alot of times we noe but we choose to belive in miracle. So when hurt, whose fault har?
maybe i should start doign what writers usually do.. record down thoughts using voice recorder then pen them down..
Recently quite irritated by some people. Maybe bcos i have more time on hand.. so more interaction?
Actually with more time on hand does not mean i wan to waste my time on errands others wan me to help. Selectively ok but not all. The meaning of not working is different in everyone's dictionary. if u think i m not working now mean totally useless n idling that is ur biz. U can do that also n live up to ur expectation lo.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Due to economic condition, those who have jobs majority will clinch on tightly (majority only cos minority still idling in office and abusing communication tools). Then u hear more n more people unhappy with their job workload and bosses. Bosses who are not up to standard now tend to throw more weights becos they know the subordinates need the job.
But they have forgotten that people on top will watch them also. When economy turns well, we shall see who will have the last laugh
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Office politics is everywhr.
Nobody like it. N the more nobody wan to be a victim.
Colleagues can never be real gd friend, that we ought to remember always.
With same position, you need to vie credit and performance. In different department you will still need to think of own department interest.
But human r still human. Alot of times we noe but we choose to belive in miracle. So when hurt, whose fault har?
又是老掉牙的话题了
被遗弃的女人因为寂寞而‘随地’谈起恋爱。
叹气！ 六个月了，还是听到雨点滴嗒滴嗒
如果因为寂寞而爱，那其实会更寂寞的！
老友，你没经历过，想必很难理解的。 我还真不要你体验这样的悲剧啊！
经历了风风雨雨，是无法像单纯的丫头去爱； 只因寂寞，要呵护和炫耀拥有爱情。
爱情有太多的代价。付出是双方必须给的。
失败后能不能站起来也是后患无穷的。。。
被困在爱的枷锁里多年，要再爱其实需要勇气
一个人孤寂却不寂寞的！ 当真！怎么比？自由是自己的嘛。
来得很不经意，我也措手不及。
是宿命，是冥冥中被安排腻补过去的残缺。。没人知。。
路还远
微笑会继续
哭泣会继续
寂寞会继续（爱也可让人寂寞的啊！）
路一步一步的走
世界那么大，总有片刻爱恋，总有容我处
叹气！ 六个月了，还是听到雨点滴嗒滴嗒
如果因为寂寞而爱，那其实会更寂寞的！
老友，你没经历过，想必很难理解的。 我还真不要你体验这样的悲剧啊！
经历了风风雨雨，是无法像单纯的丫头去爱； 只因寂寞，要呵护和炫耀拥有爱情。
爱情有太多的代价。付出是双方必须给的。
失败后能不能站起来也是后患无穷的。。。
被困在爱的枷锁里多年，要再爱其实需要勇气
一个人孤寂却不寂寞的！ 当真！怎么比？自由是自己的嘛。
来得很不经意，我也措手不及。
是宿命，是冥冥中被安排腻补过去的残缺。。没人知。。
路还远
微笑会继续
哭泣会继续
寂寞会继续（爱也可让人寂寞的啊！）
路一步一步的走
世界那么大，总有片刻爱恋，总有容我处
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
to those of us who still believe
其实他做的坏事我们都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁 暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说
其实别人的招数我们都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱 撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭
傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留
傻瓜 我们都一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个他不一样
却又再一次受伤
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜
傻瓜 我们都一样
受了伤却不投降
Pain Pain
Ytd evening, i had a very bad LS experience again. Got to stop at one of the MRT station...
Used to have such occasions many times.
Like i say again n again, m really lucky to be able to survive to today n even longer heehee.
Always have alot of prob esp stomach (since last time specialist said i may have stomach cancer! geez).
Too much prob until ex hubby just ignore me (haha, it is liek that de mah, 司空见惯）Only my own family dun really noe cause i dun really wan to tell them. They know only alittle. Actually to tell them is also useless. Only add to their worry of how to get money.
so i also wan to stop telling 'u' or else it will be a history repeating itself again.
Nevermind, i wan to fight it out myself. Like i used to do. Now may need more efforts since age is catching up.
Alot of things though fate may still unfold (like my failed marriage), there must be some efforts to walk out or overcome matters de. If i have never force myself to study n work, will there be today? or everyday we have to think of how to get money?
This period, i made 'mistake' after 'mistake'. I need to turn ard situation... Guess there is no luxury of really rest full time for a long period le...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Voices in my head?
Dun noe izzit i have been alone for too long.. n not been talking much since left workforce.
Last nite i was fallin asleep n suddenly woke up..... tot i heard my name being called.
Worry of health, career, money and not having enough knowledge could have done damages to me? Hope i wont get mentally disorder
Used to have such occasions many times.
Like i say again n again, m really lucky to be able to survive to today n even longer heehee.
Always have alot of prob esp stomach (since last time specialist said i may have stomach cancer! geez).
Too much prob until ex hubby just ignore me (haha, it is liek that de mah, 司空见惯）Only my own family dun really noe cause i dun really wan to tell them. They know only alittle. Actually to tell them is also useless. Only add to their worry of how to get money.
so i also wan to stop telling 'u' or else it will be a history repeating itself again.
Nevermind, i wan to fight it out myself. Like i used to do. Now may need more efforts since age is catching up.
Alot of things though fate may still unfold (like my failed marriage), there must be some efforts to walk out or overcome matters de. If i have never force myself to study n work, will there be today? or everyday we have to think of how to get money?
This period, i made 'mistake' after 'mistake'. I need to turn ard situation... Guess there is no luxury of really rest full time for a long period le...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Voices in my head?
Dun noe izzit i have been alone for too long.. n not been talking much since left workforce.
Last nite i was fallin asleep n suddenly woke up..... tot i heard my name being called.
Worry of health, career, money and not having enough knowledge could have done damages to me? Hope i wont get mentally disorder
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