The nitemares

Recurring and recurring.

So tire today. Mentally most tire.

To avoid bumping into him at home, i asked Nick & Edward out for dinner at Chomp Chomp. Also to catch up especially with Edward. Both are nice ppl and i hope they already made me as their FRIEND.

Had quite sumptuous n sinful dinner - Char Kway Teow, Hokkien Mee, BBQ Chicken Wing, BBQ fish and giant sugar cane drink. Suppose to have satay mee hoon and satay but in the end never. We also went to coffee bean for drink. As usual boss Edward gets very special treatment. Was asking if i can show the coffee bean his pic when i go next time haaaaa.


Back home he was not in. I tried to log in my laptop n get error. I have this feeling it will clash soon especially after he leave. He has been using my laptop. I have no problem with him using. But as usual because he does not respect the owner so the stuff are also not treated nicely.

He came back n i went to bed since no one online and he needs to use my M1 broadband.

Already told him do not disturb me as i am goin to sleep.

Had very hard time falling asleep. Finally when i managed to get into deep sleep, my heart bounced again. That idiot banged my bedroom door. I was shakened but refused to open my eyes. Firstly i am a scarey cat and cannot take such sudden banging. Felt my soul left my body again. 2ndly this behavioiur mean that bomb will land. So better pretend cannot hear. As usual, he switched off my light and bang the door behind.

So i had hard time tryin to sleep agian. Head was super heavy. Cant feel my soul. On my MP3 to calm myself. Check my phone n there is no sms.

Cant remember when i fall back asleep. I only can feel headache.

Woke a few times in case i overslept.

Morning dawned in again. Got up, sent one sms (not sure if receipient is alright) and then got myself to prepare for the day. Then bombing started again.

He got a new laptop but laptop did not come with MS Office and only loaded Window Vista. The Vista is not an easy environment for new users. Then problem arise as M1 broadband token cannot be used in Vista envirnment. It needs to be reconfigure and must be sent to M1 shop. He got fed up and started scolding, citing he is busy n has no time for such thing. I explained to him that there is no way to get the broadband activated by own self. As usual he did not believe me and demanded for user guide and CD rom. But there is really nothing i can produce! Reminded him that i did tell him last time. I spent hours at M1 shop awaiting for them to resolve. He was the one who asked me to sign this up and then scolded me it so simple to send to M1 and why i was complaining. But today it was reversed. And he did not wan to believe me waht can i do? i am not IT savvy. Time was alrady quite rush for me in the morning. He wanted my receipt for this M1 token. I had it but must search through file. Told him i have no time. And then the bombing started again. No choice, got to hurry with my grooming and then went searching for document. Luckily found it quite fast. Then he started all the hurlings and reminders that he is very busy. And said there must be some CD driver that i lost etc etc. Haiz. He asked if i have any MS OFFICE which i did not have. Also my fault. Then he did not noe how to use VISTA also my fault. His trip is packed also my fault! Offer him to use my laptop he also not happy. Said he has to resolve this and that. How would i know that he got such lousy service from the purchase. Earlier already told him if he need laptop, i get someone to help him buy.

Two more days. What other interesting thing he wil do to me again?

Maybe i complained too much. Maybe my threshold is too little? haaaaaaa.

At bus journey this mornign, many past raced through mind. How in the late nite he would jus push me and ordered me to pour water for him. How in late nite i have to massage for him as he was working and very tire. I worked from 8.30am to 10pm or 11pm. He came back earlier. But my work was deemed as useless. So i had to massage him. it will be like 11pm to 2-3am. How he would jus bang things and woke me up. Talk to others nicely and then start yelling and hurling at me.

i noe i was very useless so he felt no proud having me. I noe i did not do a good job bonding with his family. But he did not not know that he only see my mum once or twice a yr. His mum would nag at me 2-3 hours daily telling me how bad the daughter-in-laws and son-in-law steal her sons and daughter. Alot of things he did not noe. I tried telling him but he would say that were MY problem.

Haiz dun noe lah. These things came back haunting me again. Maybe he has his own side of stories. As far as i am concern, i did try very hard to please him. Believe that when a couple become one, many things should be worked out by both persons. But this marriage is really a one sided. N i really wonder how it turn like that. At least when we met both fell deeply in love with EACH OTHER. it wasnt a one sided thingy.

Of cos this marriage is a past. I am not feeling heartache. Jus puzzled why now to such stage, the treatment is still ike that? U dun even treat ur normal friend this way rite? Y Y Y, m i so lousy?